Are we having fun yet?

In a corner of the world... she sits cowering...gazing terrified at all the happenstances...whirling past her..flinching at the slightest sound, eyes and mouth open wide, but the scream is silent...shreds of torn black silks fallen around her...like dead black birds...

Debris on the road...dumped metal heaps...a half building bent with shame... the explosion devoured its roof...a man on the road, a gun shot, bullet ripping through him, he flies without wings, body arched, hands hanging limply, head thrown back, a question in his eyes, "did i just get shot...???" little does he know that he's dead...

An underground basement...monotonous tempo...thud thud thud...strobe lights flashing, purple, blue, green...eyes closed, bodies swaying, lost to everyone, maybe themselves too...

She lies there, black silk sliding off a white shoulder...film of sweat on the rounded curve of an arched breast, head on the arm of a plush purple settee, hair touches the floor, mouth parted wide trying to steal the already depleting oxygen, sinuous body curved like cupid's bow reaching into him, head slowly sliding off the arm of the settee, almost touching the floor...exposing a neck that deserved to be ravaged, legs entwined around him, tantalizing glimpses of a milky white thigh...

He gazes down at her...dead eyes, muscles taut, rippling, a finger following the path made by a drop of sweat, down the flawlessly shaped neck...a neck which deserves to be ravaged, his jaw tightens, teeth gritted...a neck which has been punctured...mini-wounds...desperate search for veins to plunge the needle in...the knife is in his hand, sharp serrated... he surveys her body lying beneath him, the arched breasts, the soft skin shaming black silk, the submission...a hand grips and curves around her vulnerable throat finding the pulse...fluttering heartbeat...the knife shimmers...

She sits there cowering...in one corner of the world...they had warned her about him...but she was powerless...the knife wound on her thigh a testimony of what might have happened if she had not snapped out of the haze...she wondered why she picked up the gun when she left her apartment...

As he took flight he gazed at the sky...a million stars came tumbling down on him...he saw an up-side down world...he saw her face...the gun falling down from her hand..."did i just get shot?"

I WANT

to ramble on and on and never stop...

whats been happening? hmmm... lots of things actually.

bumping (literally) into Manisha Koirala's brother (such a dazzling smile...whew)...

meeting someone whom i really connected with... after a very very long time (not often does one get so lucky)...i love you RIC

getting the attention of my favourite child at work (i'm walking on air with that silly smile on my face... sigh)...

watching my jeans slide down my hips with a satisfied smile (no, idiots... i mean i'm losing weight and hence the jeans just sliiiiiide)... :-)

feeling my hair kiss my waist lingeringly ... (yes...the hair IS growing)... :-)

looking forward to a visit and meeting a soul mate... (.....:-))

preparing for an annual event at work (i get to be with the children for some more time ... :-) yayy)...

spending time with appa and amma (the love i feel for them takes my breath away...)

realizing that although life has had some raw deals i still smile at the end of the day when i close my eyes and snuggle up with mommy...

getting called out by this rickshaw wala (to take his auto) who vented out his frustration on being abused because he was a 'bhaiya'... (i heard him out while he ranted)

getting stuck in an off season rainfall and conversing with cabbies about their lands back home...(all of them were biharis and in complete love with their matrubhoomi) :-) true sons of the soil... THE COMPLETE MEN ... unlike some others...

speaking Marathi with ancient shopkeepers outside Dadar station and enjoying the feeling of belonging to the state and to the city...(i love those old men and their complete, genuine inclination to be of service...sigh) :-)

strangely reveling in the fact that i am desirable when i see the men of Islam staring lustily at me (no one and i mean NO ONE can look at a woman the way these men do. such a raw and honestly exact expression of what they feel...even if it is pure lust) :p

there are many more things happening...the above just outlines it... no point in boring you with endless narratives, na... :-)

Grumble...mumble...blah blah...

So many things happening... 24 hours are not enough...

i got a new place...will be moving in by november 1st. i cannot even begin to explain how relieved i am by this development. although it has slightly overshot my old budget, it is well within my new one. :p. and friends, setting up your crib is not easy, trust me. i am one of the most minimalistic persons but even then i am finding it difficult to figure out what i need and what i don't. of course the mater and the pater are coming over. and all my thinking alouds have been misconstrued as actual future events and everyone is harbouring different ideas and generally confusing one another including me. so yeah...till i actually move in this is going to be the scene...

i met a ghost from the past... brought back a lot of surreal memories. at times i wonder whether i am beginning the cycle again. i seem to be what i was some time back. physically and mentally. i know it sounds strange but the only newness in me is a strange kind of calm that comes with bitter experience. my earlier calm was more of a serene kind of calm and not one of those - been there felt that - kind of calms. maybe i need to tap all those things i did which made me feel light and positive and strong. is it a regression? no. i was afraid that it might be. but i am now convinced that it is not.

and no... im not taking myself too seriously. i am only disconnecting myself from me and watching the changes that are happening within me. it is like coming out of your body, sitting in a corner and watching yourself do stuff, say stuff and react to stuff. :-) and i am liking what i am seeing.
:-)))))

Damn...what have i written. Tch...

ok the other day, i was at my maasi's place. and suddenly the bell rings. i open the door. i see the backs of sardarji boy, friend 1 and friend 2. sardarji boy turns. he goggles at me, gaping mouth and all. and he mutters... "26th...coupons....dinner....150 rupees....garba....". Friend 1 runs a hand through already tousled hair and gives a broad (very attractive) sheepish grin...Friend 2 has an agonized expression on his face...he looks around...(nahi dost...there is no hole where you can go and hide)...i burst into uncontrolled laughter. sardarji boy is even more confounded and has now forgotten why he rang the bell. friend 1 (sheepishness all gone) laughs with me (saala gaddaar)...friend 2 is now turning a shade that could only be described as dark pink...
well can i blame them....? i mean, what would you do if a vision of loveliness was to answer the doorbell....? Hmmnn?

Islam, iftiyari and me...

i have a colleague. i'll call him...uhmmm....SRK (he's a total fanatic).
he is muslim and for the past 2 days a very beautiful happenstance is happening with us...as in with the team.
yesterday was sheer madness. another colleague of mine...i'll call her... Songbird... who is a proper food junkie came to work all hungry and exasperated (cabbie had apparently taken her for a ride...). food, she declared...i want food...and the choice was made. SAMOSAS... not one but 2 each. so that happened in the morning 11:45 ish. after 2 samosas...a lunch seemed slightly discomforting but we did taste some tidbits...
then came evening. what to eat? what to eat? and SRK announces..."break roza with me today..."...ooooh...what a super idea! and i still remember how the stalls overflow with food in that area of our city. Oh my God... it is phenomenal. the variety, the colours, the flavours, the textures, the aromas... such a small stomach and so much to eat. bhajiyas, pakodas, mini samosas, shaami kebabs, naans, ragda, kachumber, falooda, fruit salads....sighhhh!
6:40 pm he said. the time was 4:30. 2 HOURS. how those 2 hours passed only i know. and when the time arrived, we heard the magrib or is it isha (not sure) from a distance. it sounded like divine music to our ears. SRK smiled at me. i smiled at Songbird and Songbird smiled at Shoutfest (colleague number 3). yayyyy....time to stuff our faces. we went upstairs and sat down and ate to our hearts' content.
you know something, i don't think even SRK after his whole day of roza would have waited with such anticipation for the break as we did after our 2 hours roza. and when we sat there... all of us huddled over the overflowing paraats...damn... i felt one with SRK and im sure so did Songbird and Shoutfest. that little sharing of food brought us all together and at one point we all felt that even we should have gone through the niyat ceremony.
the same thing happened today. i'm eating so much. it's not funny. but it feels so good when all of us sit with SRK and eat and pray for him as well as ourselves. it's super beautiful. i still remember him mentioning with a smile (after he'd finished eating) ... "and now off with the topi and on with the dandiya...". he's a dancer so...yeah...he's gonna go dance for the Goddess too... :-))) how much we've gone through as far as our respective religions are concerned. yet when it comes to simple life events all barriers are broken and oneness is achieved.
and i am so glad to be a part of this pure, simple ritual because in a day of turmoils i feel so full of peace when i sit down with the rest of them and .... eat. :-)))))

Gyaan Guru ... Autowallah

i don't know why ... but i took an auto from andheri to bhandup. it was one of those days when i wanted to just sit back and watch people go by, vehicles go by, animals go by...like a blur. and that's exactly what was happening. if i had my way...i would have wished that the ride never ended. it also happened to be the day when an Eternal Knight was born. so yeah, there was something in the air...
then bhandup arrived. and i was asked whether i had to go west or east. and as usual i didn't remember. so i said west. again as usual...i was so wrong. so i did a 'wise' thing. i called a colleague and asked her whether it was east or west. i could hear loud guffaws in the background. OH WELL...SO WHAT???
i told the autowallah...go eastwards, my dear man... and he shook his head. his face expressed many emotions. frustration, helplessness, resignation... i mean...can't blame him, na. he was riding forever. oh did i forget to mention...it was raining and the traffic was SUPERMEAN!!!
then he said (i represent a translated version here. but it is verbatim): "please don't take offence, but i have been watching you. you have been staring into space and thinking. the entire time. remember one thing, there is no point in thinking about something that you're never going to get. in fact it is an utter waste of time..."

okkk...whatever!!!

Guillermo e historias de la calle

it took a blue-eyed spanish teacher turned photographer to drive in some home truths and to convince me that im not being foolish by being too trusting or by loving people who think they ought not to be loved.

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"i dont' think i can travel alone. i dont have that kind of courage."

"how can you say that if you've not tried. fear is something which you ought to get rid of. when you're confronted with something that you're afraid of do something unpredictable and the source of fear will vanish. for instance there was this guy who tried selling hashish to me. i avoided him. but he caught hold of my hand and you know what i did. i started waving my hands and laughing loudly. he looked at me for sometime and then he walked away."

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"but they are dangerous, unpredictable guys. you have to be careful."

"unpredictable, maybe. but dangerous...definitely not. see there maybe people in your life who give you every reason to not trust them, or be wary of them or not like them. but if your gut instinct asks you to go ahead and trust them then without thinking twice you should go ahead and trust them."

Gracias!

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i came across a new word today - transubstantiation - which denotes a process in which a substance gets transformed into another substance...

I Tend to get Attached with a Sense of Detachment

…quoted a wise man. Did he suggest that I do the same? I don’t quite remember, but that is beside the point.

There is this boy I know. He is young, very young. Every time he looks at me, he quirks an eyebrow and gives me a lazy half-grin. And my heart skips a beat. If I wasn’t governed by the child protection policies then I would have just grabbed him and kept him with me till eternity. And he speaks to me about his experiences at school and about the fact that he finds math a little tough…and all this in that laidback lazy manner which is so signature him. At times I feel that if everything was fine I might have had a son like him. Sigh!! Of course I will have a child someday…but you know…so I listen to him and I gaze into his face and capture all the expressions that flit across and animate his oh so incredible features…and then he abruptly ends the conversation and says bye and goes away. And I smile for the rest of the day. J

The context here is the fact that in the work I do, we tend to see a lot of things that are not normal. Our children are survivors. And at times it gets difficult to resist the emotions that tend to overflow inside the heart towards a particular child. But you are then forced to hold back and be strong. Not just for the child, but for yourself and for the cause too. The trick then is to strike the correct balance between attachment and detachment. Hmmnn…