Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A State of Philoso-deliriousness

Scintillating … that’s what it could be called.
At times I wonder whether I should pen down an anecdote or just randomly scribble whatever words appear behind my eyes. You know, in that space which we feel is somewhere in between our forehead and backhead. And there are many words floating there. Not just words but line chains and paragraphs and phrases…so many unconnectednesses and so little space…I love it when thoughts flip flop around me. You are at one point and suddenly something radically different and absolutely disconnected with the previous thought dances before you. And then I’m left wondering and wandering among these thought-mazes.
At times when I close my eyes I see a blueness around me. Blues of various hues. Transitioning from a light tint to an intenseness that has an aweing depth. Suddenly whites emerge out of these blues, swirling, twirling, ribboning. Thick bands entwining around the blues and creating a massive abstractedness that’s aesthetically marvelous and breath-taking. Maybe it’s an ocean. Maybe it’s a billowing blanket. Maybe it’s the sky and the clouds. Maybe it’s nothing.
At times I wonder why there is so much of happiness and cheer tinged with a deep sense of the greatest grief and worthlessness. When my children smile and laugh with an abandon that speaks of a freeness which you and I would absolutely envy; I am left stunned with the realization that this momentary freeness is just a façade and behind it lurks a bondage, an imprisonment that will follow them till they lay themselves down to rest forever.
When I was at the piano concert listening to Tchaikovsky, Schubert and Schumann being performed with an artistry that was magnifique, my eyes closed on their own and the sounds of music filled me with an immense sense of peace. It went tinkling like bells, and the feeling was akin to loving fingers caressing soft skin. So much power there is in purity! Power to transport you away to a space and a land where everything is sparkling and perfect. Where everyone is beautiful and there is no ugliness of any kind.


shnkrnryn said...

First of all how do you write facade i can never put the s thing under c

Second are you on drugs because if you are can you give me some.

Preeti said...

write facade in a word document darling and the thingie is automatic....

hmph...craphead...im a freak. not an addict.

and you my boy are gonna get it from priya!!! she went ballistic when she saw your blog!!! who the eff asked you to send her a link...you you maniac...dopeshwara


Still thinking said...

Sweetheart, why do you allow the grief and pain to envelope your happiness? You give it a lotta importance.

Just be happy and live in the moment na. Nothing is more permanent and real than your NOW. Only NOW is all that you have and the time beyond that is just an illusion (f***k it!)

You okay?

Zlaek said...

you're right....so much happens when you close your eyes. A lot to see indeed..

Sree said...

Oh lord...i just got out of my blues,yet again.When it decided to linger,i decided to kick it...u know.And there!I'm back with courage.power.hope.dreams.
Time doesnt wait for us to get out of grief and lift us up.So better to learn to do the quckie with grief and come back.yay.

rabbit said...

ahem ahem...
how u doing aunty ji! Y so serious??
cheer up

tc n hugs

mohitparikh said...

u saw ur thoughts wandering and making u wonder.
and then u talk abt no ugliness of any kind
It sounds Spiritual.